Anyone out there challenged by the conundrum of fear?

I am.

The issue for me is that as a Christ follower, this ought not be.

But still. I do.

Fear.

 Perhaps it is a bit more complicated than simply fear. Lack of clarity, uncertain of purpose, wanting to be sure to make the RIGHT choice, minimize mistakes.

All these things feed and lead to fear.

Or, lack of movement. Paralyzing decision making abilities. Which breeds complacency.

Maybe it is comparison. Questioning my capacity or skill set when held up against others who are WAY MORE TALENTED than I.

Regardless of all the above, truth is, I find myself almost immobilized as I consider the “what next, what now, next steps,” dialogue – monologue that is unceasing in my soul.

WHY?

How did I get here?

More important, how do I get OUT?

It is not enough to sit at a pretty desk and expect all things to simply come.

In all candor, I do this. Too too much.

Dream. Think. Dream some more. Come up with some pretty good ideas. But still I sit.

At my pretty desk.

Dreaming.

Looking closely today at my faith. Wrestling with God, questioning the tenacity of my belief and all that God has shown me in over 35 years of following Him.

Truth?

Faith without action is not faith.

But rather, mere ideas. Words. Concepts. Bumper stickers.

It is no longer enough for me to say – I am afraid to fail or make mistakes or I am too old or it is too late – or all the other excuses and rationale used to affirm my lack of movement.

I either believe that stepping out in faith – wisely – trusting that come what may – will be ok.

OR

Admitting to staying firmly “in the boat” watching all the Peters launch out – in faith –

is good enough for me. To decide to live vicariously through everyone else and simply be a spectator.

We live in interesting times. The stakes feel high.

This contributes to my current state of paralysis.

I do not feel compelled to: protest, engage in pointless never ending vitriol regarding our current times, fight, battle,

DIVIDE.

But rather, I long to link arms and have conversation that compels us to love and serve and see a much much bigger picture than the one we see through our own lens…

or the lens that is thrust in front of us 24/7.

I feel some comfort in knowing that Solomon insists in the Book of Ecclesiastes: “What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun”

In other words

DO NOT FEAR.

Just thinking out loud this afternoon. Meandered down a rabbit trail or two…my apologies.

But in sharing I feel a little lighter.

Hopeful that perhaps we might start a conversation that spurs us on to love and good works that are fitted for each one of us.

Uniquely qualified to make an impact on the world around us.

Praying to follow Peter right out of the boat…would LOVE some company.

3 responses to “Currently on my heart”

  1. Wow! Instant reminder. Start reading blogs again & dust mine off. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on fear. Right there with you & paddling like crazy!

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